Pondering Emotional Fortitude

I’ve been thinking a lot about resolve and fortitude today. Questioning how we build stronger resolve to persevere or how we cultivate a strong sense of emotional fortitude so we don’t lose our self confidence when we hear criticism.

I’ve been reading this erotica series called the Marketplace by Laura Antoniou and the one consistent aspect about the book is how uncomfortable it makes me. It took me awhile to figure out what it was about the series that was making me so uncomfortable and it landed on how much the characters that were in training wilted emotionally whenever they are scolded or punished and it got me thinking about emotional fortitude and resiliency.

I can’t help but question if it’s possible for someone who is emotionally sensitive to learn greater emotional fortitude so when faced with criticism or moments of rejection they do not emotionally wilt. It’s left me meditating on how integral our self worth, feelings of self love, general self esteem, and self confidence are to our inner strength and if it’s something we instinctively have or if that kind of inner strength and fortitude is a skill set that can be acquired and practiced until it is mastered.

Mastered in the way that allows us to take in those moments when we feel rejected and cultivate the ability to bounce so that moment doesn’t become all consuming or blown up to be bigger than it is. A skill so finely developed that when a mistake happens or we fail to live up to an expectation of a Dominant that our entire self worth or confidence isn’t suddenly called into question.

I understand that emotionally wilting or withdrawing because you do something incorrectly or when you are corrected becomes exhausting for others to deal with. It becomes difficult to deal with someone who is that emotionally delicate that you can’t discuss issues because you don’t want to then watch them meltdown.
Often times that sort of behavior is viewed as victim behavior or the person is perceived as a doormat when they are in fact just very sensitive.

Does emotional sensitivity go beyond self confidence or individual feelings of self worth/love? Can’t one feel settled in one’s self and still feel the sting of rejection when hearing a criticism, or does that inherently indicate a fragile self esteem?

I’ll admit that a large part of my pondering on this has to do with how much strength and self confidence are valued, and at the same time it leaves me lingering on the thoughts of why submissive/slaves who become charged with feeling off balance out of the need to please and do well, by being criticized and scolded without being given clear direction or instruction on what is expected of them, is eroticized to the extent that it is in many stories.

Why is creating that unbalance and neurosis in a submissive partner eroticized when in reality it’s been my experience that most people are kind hearted and don’t enjoy inflicting emotional hurt onto others. So much so that even within the confines of a D/s relationship instead of confronting the submissive partner about their sensitive nature they end the relationship by backing away. Often times by not even confronting them and just slowly stepping away from the person until they no longer speak to them at all.