I do; therfore, I am

I have always wanted to be a writer. I started young writing poetry and even had poems published when I was in high school. I thought I would go to college and learn how, but once I was in college I failed to be able to produce anything. My creative side yearned for it, but practically I just hadn’t lived enough to have anything to say and I didn’t understand the mechanics and technical side of creating a story. So I went out and lived. I’ve lived a full, rich, and often complex life.

Now here I am in my 30’s picking up this long held dream. I’m still a fledgling at it and I have a ton to learn about the whole process, but I finally feel like I can. I’m learning how to tackle deadlines and plots. I’m piecing my way through pacing and finding a voice. I still need to work on creating impactful settings, but I’ve gotten good at the psychological interplay between characters and understanding their motivations.

I recently read a post from a person who was very critical of anyone identifying themselves as a writer when they made grammatical errors and it made me sit and ponder the identity of being a writer.

Is it really about grammar and the technical aspects of crafting words into meanings? Until you do that perfectly does that mean you aren’t a writer?

What about the soul of a writer?

If you have ever just had to sketch a scene in your head, or craft a backstory about strangers in the grocery store, then you know what I mean here. There is an obsessive quality that takes over and you just have to write. Good. Bad. It doesn’t matter. The only thing that is real is this need to write. The only truth you know is you have to take words and wrap them into a vision and express something that is intangible and often ephemeral.

I scoff at the grammar Nazis. I find them to be small minds who criticize because they lack a creative soul, or they are just insecure people who need to put other people around them down to make themselves feel less threatened.

Technical skill can be learned by anyone, but the creative soul of an artist to instill emotion and life into those same technical skills is not something that can be taught. You either do or you don’t. Like any skill in life, no one starts out doing it perfectly. It takes practice and work to hone and polish the skill and the more you use it the more you begin to level up in said skill.
So yeah, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes and I have a ton to learn about the technical skills of writing and crafting stories. That doesn’t mean I’m not still a writer.

I am a writer.

As Rilke wrote in his book Letters to a young artist: ““Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.”

I am a writer because I have to write.

I wither and die without it.

One day I hope to become a good writer, and then a great one. Until that day comes though, I will continue to work and practice my skills. I will continue to share what I have written and seek out feedback and notes that will help me get better. I will continue to seek out greater illumination on what doesn’t work, what does, and the why.